


Nine Years Later

by Areku



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Dominant Eren Yeager, Dominant Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Eren and Jean are fuck buddies, M/M, Smut, ereri, everyone loves armin, levi denies he's gay, lots of smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2018-12-30 05:53:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12102210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Areku/pseuds/Areku
Summary: The story in which "Attack on Titan" is a novel written by Levi, Eren is an actor, and the two of them grew up together. Suddenly, 9 years ago , Eren moved to another city and never contacted Levi again.They both went on with their lives, never imagining that fate had separated them only to clash them back together, at the right time.Also the story in which everybody loves Armin.





	1. Chapter 1

I hate winter, I hate the cold, but I must admit the air in this season smells so clean.  
The heavy snowfall last night has covered everything in white. The silence this morning is unreal. I close my eyes and for a movement I listen to the fresh snow cracking under my feet. Even that sound is somewhat soft. I love it.

Maybe it's because it's so early in the morning but there's almost nobody around. I like this world, with few people, no chaos. But all this magic will not last. Soon there will be traffic and stressed humans will be going around like tiny ants, running, talking, checking their phones...

I need to get there before all those annoying things start to happen. The sun is starting to show up, throwing golden rays on the world, but it's still freezing cold. There's no way I'm going around, I'll stay inside there, warming up and drinking cappuccino. I like that shit, and I make no excuse for it.

As I turn the corner I finally get to see it, the cute caffè shop that's so small you'll miss it if you're in a hurry. That's why I like it. It's tiny, silent, clean, and has always the same customers. 

As I cross the door, shaking some snow from my black boots, I hear a familiar voice calling 

"Hey Levi, good morning! You're early as usual!" 

I wave a hand towards the smiling blond boy. He's always been nice and has never managed to bother me. He's one of the few people in my life to have that kind of status. Yet again, he's only a guy that works in this caffè, there's not much he can do to bother me. 

I take my place at my usual spot in the back, close to the window. It's a private spot, nobody really notices me even if I stay there all day, but I, on the other hand, have a very nice view of the park. Then of course, I won't stare at the park for hours, I have work to do.

As I take out my laptop I hear Armin's footsteps approaching me. I turn towards him and well enough the kid is bringing a hot brioche and cappuccino. Also a newspaper. That's weird...

"Thank you" I say as he places the tray on my table. I can see he's not finished tough.

"I bought the newspaper earlier and well, I thought you might like to see this." 

He turns it towards me and I see the front page.  
"ATTACK ON TITAN of Levi Ackerman, worldwide bestseller, has been in the TOP 10 list for yet another month! 14 months and still a favorite of millions of fans worldwide. Great hype for the sequel! 

More than a year huh? That's freaking absurd.  
The article goes on quoting some interviews I did in the last couple of months. Weirdly enough my editor hasn't told me I'm still in the top charts. Probably he'll call me later today, and that's a call I'm not looking forward to receive.

"Congratulations?" Smiles shyly Armin. The kid is not stupid, he definitely noticed the news is not making me any more happy. Quite the contrary.

"Thanks..." I sigh. This is only going to force a deadline down my throat.

Armin decides it's not a good idea to inquire in my business so he turns back to his job. I'm glad he has that kind of tact. 

He figured out who I was the very first day I came here. Yet he never disturbed my privacy. He did, however, bring a couple of books to sign "for his friends". I'm sure he is the type to do that kind of favor without telling anybody where they could find me. 

I hate to say it, but I'm quite popular these days. It took me a while to find a place where I could stay long enough without someone noticing me. I guess it's because of those stupid interviews. I did my best to sound boring and uninterested, yet I guess my face is easy to remember? I don't know, I'm not good at handling people, let alone fans.

Anyway it doesn't really matter. If I won't be able to finish the second book soon, all of this will be over. Even my most devoted fans will end up focusing on someone new.

*****

Here I am, an hour later, still staring at my computer screen. 

I've re-written this chapter a couple of times but It's still crap. I'm really not good at writing when I feel forced to do so. But really, that's my job, I've been doing it very well for a long time. 

Only this... That book I published last year was not supposed to be that big of a hit. I never expected to be forced to write a sequel. Although I gave the ending enough space to continue the story one day, I never intended to do so right away.

Now that's what my editor is asking me to do. He even spread the rumors around so now it's pretty much set. 

That's actually the only thing I talked with Armin about.

"You know" he said one day, after i signed yet another book" I believe your story is great. Actually it's so good that I'm really anxious about the ending. It could perfectly end both in joy or complete tragedy. I hope you'll come up with something that doesn't ruin it all."

In that moment it really hit me. I myself had no idea how the whole thing was going to end. It never was planned to go that far....and its true, a good story must be good until the very last sentence."

I feel like I'm digging my grave with this damn book. The expectancy is is so high I"ll never live up to it. 

I sigh and take a sip of my black tea. It's still early. Maybe after all I could take another walk. Or maybe not. That shiny snow reminds me of how the tip of my nose gets instantly frozen out there.

That's when I hear someone approaching me. I don't need to look in order to guess its not Armin. I turn slightly and see a guy wall ing my way. I see the orange flash of the flames printed on the book cover he's holding and that's enough to to tell me what he wants.

I instinctively search for a pen. Better make this short.

"You're Levi.... Levi Ackerman...right?" The guy says standing in front of my table. "Would you mind...." 

I snap the book offered to me and open it on the first page. 

"Sure, no thing" I mutter. I'm not dealing with this guy for more than thirty seconds and I'm making sure it's clear. 

"Name?" 

"Eren Jaeger."

My hand was already instinctively writing the name before my brain could process it. 

Then it halted.

I slowly turn my gaze up and finally look at the person standing in front of me. 

Dear God.  
It was and athletic boy, tall, tanned and with a messy nest of brown locks on his head. But no matter how grown up his body was, those green shiny eyes were just the same.

That was Eren. My Eren.

His smile widens as he sees the stupor on my face.

"Hey Levi... it's been a wile..." 

*****

EREN POV

Thanks god I have Armin! 

I came running in this caffè knowing I'd finally meet Levi again, but when I saw him sitting in that corner, I literally froze. I realize I couldn't just walk there saying "hi do you remember me?". Or maybe I could. Or not. Suddenly I felt drenched in cold sweat, and it was not because I had been running for half an hour to get here. 

That is when Armin handled me a copy of the book.  
"You still haven't bought one for yourself, haven't you?"  


He obviously knew I'd come here without a plan. I had to make up for that later. I' would buy him lunch, a cake, whatever he wanted. He gave me a way to approach Levi without being too creepy. 

Yet I asked for a coffee first. I knew Levi would probably be there for another couple of hours, so I tried to prepare myself.  
I was staring like a maniac, I couldn't believe the man sitting at that small coffe table was him, the Levi I grew up with. 

He looked as grumpy as ever as he focused on his computer screen, furiously delating another paragraph.  
Pfff. That was so much like him.  
I wonder if he would recognize me. After all these years.... But yet, that fucking book....

I turned it towards me and looked at the illustration of the main character surrounded by flames, facing a huge wall and a titan emerging from behind it. 

I needed to know, I had to ask him so many questions. Curiosity had been killing me for these past few months. 

I finally put down my empty cup and walked towards him.

...

"Eren"he finally states. 

Yes, that's not a question, that's a statement. 

I feel so relieved now.

"Yes" I smile.

And I don't know where to start but he cuts me off.

"Eren where the fuck have you been for all this time??" 

He suddenly stands up and I don't realize what's happening until I feel his arms wrapping around my shoulders. I can't help but laugh. I hug him back and it feels like home. I smell his familiar scent, fell the strength of those arms around me, only this time....

"You're shorter!" I laugh "Oh my god Levi, I managed to finally beat you!" 

He takes a step back and frowns a little but his smile is still on.

"Indeed.... you grew up to be a fucking titan!" 

My eyes widen. I knew it, he never forgot! I knew it....

"So does that mean....the things you write about...."

"Yes but for now sit down. I have things I want to ask you before we get into that."

He sits back and I take the chair beside him. We're close, so close, at that small table.

I turn around a bit so I can face him better. Seeing him again after so many years feels unreal. I would pinch myself to make sure it's not a dream. He's still as handsome as always, his black hair perfectly combed, his undercut freshly trimmed,the muscles underneath those tight clothes are very well defined.... His eyes have dark circles around them, but that's not new either.

"Don't seem that old to me....." I think out loud .

"Huh?"

" You just turned 30 haven't you?" 

"Oh yes...thanks for reminding me..."

I laugh again.

"But you really haven't changed that much! I don't even see white hair..." I lean closer to inspect him better.  
"Nope. Only a few more wrinkles on the forehand but that much I expected. You keep frowning so much." 

"Shut up brat...." He's frowning even more now.  
His eyes trail up and down me for a moment "You too....still look like a brat" 

Well do I? Guess I have to show him my freaking fabulous abs some day. 

"I'm 24 you know..."

"Exactly. A brat" he smiles. 

We order tea and Armin gets back with a tray of pastries.

"I offer those" he says, smiling " for the happy reunion" 

I love Armin, have I mentioned that? Levi on the other hand looks confused.

"What do you mean blondie?" 

I step in before he could answer  
"Armin told me I could find you here....but he was so unsure about the two of us being friends!"

He has his eyes on me again.

"I had to bring him fucking photos of when I was little. He didn't want to upset his favorite customer with crazy fans, he said." 

Armin is laughing "Well I can't help it, you have now idea how many people ask me about Levi....I can't believe they haven't already figured out where I see him.."

"How many times have you covered me already kid?" 

"A few." 

And with that he walks away. I can see gears turning in Levi's head. He's not the one to express it, but he is truly grateful for kind actions like that.

"A simple thank you will be enough you know." I smile at him.  
"Armin does things like that because he wants to, not because he expects anything back" 

"Still....would you not do something for him in return?"

I sigh "I always try Levi, but I never quite know what he needs. I owe him so many things I have lost track now.... "

"How long have you two been friends?"

"Oh since I moved here... He's like a brother really"

Levi remains silent...for a long while. I give him a questioning look.

"Speaking of which, Eren..." 

He's serious. Suddenly so fucking serious. 

"I tried to call you."

Oh shit, here it comes.

"I ....know....."

"You never answered."

"I know..."

"You fucking deactivated your number!" 

My eyes are glued to the table. I can't bear to see the anger in his.  
I have to fix this before he gets really mad. I know. I've been a dick to him when he never deserved it. 

"Levi, my mom had just died back then...."

"Exactly you shit! I was so fucking worried about you! I ended up calling your dad a couple of times, just to make sure you were still alive!"

Tell him Eren, just tell him already! 

"Listen, I'm sorry, I know I fucked up. Trust me, I wanted to call you back, I really did.... But I didn't know how to handle you anymore... I was overwhelmed."

"The fuck does that mean?" 

I slowly raise my eyes to meet his. I see the confusion and impatience I dreaded so much. There's an old wound underneath his anger and it's my responsibility to fix it. He deserves to know the truth.

"You..." I clear my throat and brace myself for the consequences.

" You were my first crush."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....if you got down here I love you!!
> 
> English is my....third language XD please excuse stupid errors
> 
> As you may have noticed, my babies Eren and Levi have a 6 year age gap and Levi is actually taller than canon. I like him better this way, it makes more sense for my story :) 
> 
> Comments and constructive criticism are very much appreciated !


	2. Chapter 2

LEVI POV

 

"You were my first crush"

His words are spiraling in my head .

Fuck.

Fuck you Eren.

I pinch the bridge of my nose as I feel my old friend, migraine, coming back. 

"So...you're gay?" 

"Seems so. I'm sorry..."

"Shut up." 

I look at him. He's having such a beat up expression it takes all my good will not to punch him.

"What were you trying to accomplish by avoiding me..."

"Hate." 

What? 

"I wanted you to hate me."

I can't believe what I'm hearing.

"How was that a good idea..."

"Hate is better than disgust Levi. "

Oh. I see.

I stare at him for a while trying to come up with something not completely offensive to say.

The kid doesn't wait tough. 

"Sorry I disturbed you Levi. I wish you the best." 

He gets up to leave. That's it, I'm done with this moron.

I grab his arm and pull him down on the chair, almost knocking down the table in the process. A few customers turn to stare at us. I don't care. I'm really pissed off.

"Tell me brat, what exactly makes you think I give a fuck about that?" 

He looks at me, wide eyes and a dumb expression.

"But..."

"You can suck all the dicks you want, it's none of my business."

"Ok ...but I had a crush on YOU."

"Yes, of course. At that age you crush on someone new each week. I've also been there, you moron. That doesn't change a thing."

Finally I see some relief on that face. Still his eyes are as wide as they can be.

"Is that....it?" He asks. 

Jesus, he hasn't changed a bit.

"Yes you idiot. You should have told me. I can't believe 9 years had passed because of THAT!"

"Me neither" he laughs softly. "But...when I moved I was devastated. I didn't knew anybody, I barely knew my dad and my sister."

True, his parents divorced when he was 3. He used to live with his mom and his sister with his dad. 

"I had no friends. At that point the only good thing I had in life was you." 

His green eyes are back on mine, burning with what I can only assume is the frustration and pain he went through.

"But at that point I had barely realized what was happening to me. I didn't know how to manage my emotions, let alone my sexuality." 

He stares at the table again.

"If I were to lose you it would have been too much. So instead I was the one to push you away. I thought that at some point I would have had the courage to reach back to you, but as time passed it became more and more difficult... Until I figured you just moved along with your life and forgot about me."

"But you did come back, kid" I say softly, "You are here now."

He finally smiles again. Good. 

"Enough with the sad stories. Shit happens, that's life. What are you up to now?"

....

We spend the next hour talking about his career. Looks like he went on with his dream and became and actor. He works in a theatre and does both the acting and writing when necessary. From time to time he gets some roles in TV series. He's working hard to get into some movie, a good one, so he can really start getting some exposure.

I hate to say it but I feel like I'm a father proud of his kid. He grew up nicely, finished studying, found a job.... He's got a bright future in front of him.

But then he starts inquiring about my life and I'm not sure what I want to tell him.

"It's really boring, to be honest. I tried my best at writing and pretty much that's all that is to it" I say honestly.

"I heard you are married tough" 

"Oh that...." 

Of course, stupid interviewers forced me to spit that out some time ago.

"Was. I was married. Not anymore"

He frowns and waits for me to continue.

"Well as I just said, all my life revolves around my job as I writer. I loved Petra but not as much as my books it seems.... I couldn't give her happiness. We divorced on good terms tough."

"Did you guys....had kids?"

Pfff why does he seem worried? 

"No. We tried but never made it. Seems like we were never meant to be. She's already pregnant with her new husband" 

Eren is silent for a while. I see him debating wether or not to say something but in the end he completely changes subject.

Around noon we buy a couple of sandwiches and Eren finishes quickly as he must go to work. Turns out he had taken the morning off just to see me.

He dashes out the shop and I silently wonder when I'm going to see him again, when the door slams open and he storms back inside.

Wow. That was quick.

He extends his hand to me  
"Give me your phone" 

I comply. 

He takes it, types something, and returns it to me.

"Call me" he says as he runs away.

Before I know it, he's gone again. I look at my phone deciding to send him a message so he can also have my number. I take a sip of tea while I unlock the screen.

I choke.

He saved his contact as "Sexy Eren" 

 

......

 

Later that night I finally manage to write him a message.

"I almost chocked to death when I saw your contact" 

It takes him only a few seconds to answer.

"Levi!! I thought you would never text me!!"  
"Hahahah! Liked it ? ;) ;)"

What the hell, is he winking at me ? 

"Eren....I'm not in high school anymore." 

"No shit. That's why you need someone to make you feel young again!"  
"Armin told me you spent all the afternoon writing. Was it a good day? :)"

Yes, it actually was. After Eren left I had my mind clear of the fog I've been in lately.

"It was good enough, yes."

I see him typing for a while. What the hell does he need to tell me.

"Good"

Huh?? 

"You've been typing for 10 minutes you idiot. What's up?"

"Mmm better tell you tomorrow."  
"Can I see you tomorrow?"

"Don't you have work to do?"

"Yes, but we could have lunch together. I have a couple hours break" 

We settled for that. I know he has to ask me about my book.

As I get to bed that night I can't seem to be able to sleep. Well, that's not new. But I usually I am consumed by thoughts about the things I write...

Not tonight tough. Tonight I can only think about the little kid I knew and how he's grown up in all these years.

I hear my phone buzzing.

"Goodnight Levi"

Well shit. Guess I'm not the only one thinking about our little meeting.

"Night kid.... I really missed you." 

I can't believe I actually said it. Must be the tiredness, but it's true. 

I fall asleep I as wait for him to reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... did you enjoyed the two dorks dancing around each other?  
> Because there's going to be more of them, a lot more.... :) 
> 
> Btw next chapter is smutty, I warn ya!
> 
> Comments are always appreciated :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning. This work is rated explicit for a reason...
> 
> Eren and Jean will pork in this chapter.

EREN POV

 

I stare at the phone wondering what should I do.

He missed me huh? Well what can I say then? I've tormented myself with memories of him for such a long time....

To be honest I got to a point where I settled for the way my life was. I accepted that I could make it in all categories except love.   
That just the way it was, the love gods hated me.

After I realized I was gay I started dating some guys, I had fun, I had sex, but I've never fallen in love with any of them. 

I tried, I really really tried. As I got older my popularity also increased and it got to a point I could pretty much choose who I wanted to be with.

But I started to grow bored of that. Relationships were hell because I couldn't reciprocate the love it was given to me. I didn't wanted to break their hearts either so I've given up dating. 

One night stands, on the other side, were easier.... But I didn't liked it, I wanted to know the person at least a bit before ending up in the same bed. 

It got complicated. I was a mess. Until....

I search my contact list and find it. I select it and start typing a message. 

Fuck, it's late.

I press the phone call instead. 

After a long while a tired voice answers.

"Jaeger, what the fuck..."

"Can I come over?"

"....it's late, we have work tomorrow..."

"Shit Kirstein, yes or no." 

"Whatever... Ok.... Give me a minute"

The fuck I'll give him a minute, I storm out of my house and start banging my fist on my neighbor's door.

When it opens I waste no time in greetings. I crush my body against him and close back the door with my foot.

"Eren...what's going on..."

"Sex first" I say as I press him against the wall and start lifting up his shirt.

I kiss him and he feels the greedy hunger I'm in. He wastes no time in asking more questions as he drags me to the living room.

I push him on the couch and straddle his lap. I press my lips against his again and soon I feel a wet tongue finding its way in my mouth.

I need this, I fucking need him to get my thoughts away from Levi.

His hands travel up under my shirt. I enjoy the feel of them tracing my muscles.  
Cold fingers start teasing my nipples, and I usually like that sort of shit. But tonight I'm being impatient.

"Let's get to the real thing, shall we?" I say while I completely undress.

He complies and soon we're both naked on the poor couch that has certainly had enough of the two of us. 

It was one of our favorite spots, maybe because that's where we did it the first time.  
He had to cover it with a blanket after a while. He had cleaned it so many times it had formed areas where the color got bleached out. Disgusting. It was really time to change it.

Yet for now, I was glad it was still there.

I'm still in Jeans lap as I stroke our dicks together. His hands are on my ass and I feel one finger starting to push inside me. 

"Hurry up...." I look into his eyes and they are mirroring my lust. 

I press my body against his and spread my legs more, giving him some extra space to maneuver. He prepares me some more, barely enough, when I decide I had it.   
I reach behind and take away his hand.

"Done.... Just do it already"

"Jesus Eren, you're fucking begging for it"

"Jesus won't be happy to be mentioned at a time like this. Shut up"

He chuckles and does as I said. 

It doesn't take long for me to start moving. I don't mind the pain, it's distracting me from greater aches.

Jean doesn't take it slowly either, bucking his hips in time with mine. 

That's what I needed. Sweat is starting to run down my spine as his hard dick slammed into me again and again. It suddenly feels too hot to breathe, every second now has turned into pure pleasure.

As I ride the him, my mind keeps bringing up memories of Levi. I close my eyes and I suddenly see his face, feel his hot breath against my skin....

I start moaning his name and the pleasure intensifies. My dick gets harder as I start to pump myself. 

Shit I could even hear his voice. The way my name sounded on his lips today, the way it would sound if I had him underneath me, fucking me, calling for me while coming inside....

"Aaah fuck....." I can't take it anymore. I feel myself tightening and then the release gets me to forget about everything. I want it to last more, I want it to wash away all the stupid pain I'm in....

Jean's body convulses under me, thrusting hard and filing me with everything he's got.  
He rides out his orgasm with slow, deep thrusts, and I hear the wet sounds it makes as the liquid slowly gets everywhere, down his dick. on the couch....

I told you, that couch is disgusting.

....

I feel exhausted as I rest my head on Jean's shoulder. 

It was good, it just wasn't...

"Levi huh....?"

"Mmm..." I mumble not really in the mood to talk.

"Eren what happened?"

Oh he's worried about me, how funny. But after all, we do care about each other, in our own, contorted way.

"I met him today" I say and hope he'll leave it at that.

"WHAT??" 

He's shaking my shoulders now, and I really don't have much strength left to keep it together.

Whatever I do, no matter how hard I try, the feeling comes back.

I press my face in my palms as I feel the tears I am no longer able to hold in.

"It hasn't changed a single thing Jean, I can't get over him" 

He sighs and hugs me, not knowing what to say. We simply stay there. I cry my heart out as he holds me tight in his arms. He knows the feeling too, he has it as bad as I do... But at least Marco is gay. Yes, he's been in a long term relationship for many years, but at least he's not a straight, divorced, grumpy old man. 

We get up at some point and go into the bathroom. It's part of our routine, sex-shower-goodnight. 

He turns on the hot water.

"Have you told him....about the way you feel?"

"Well..." I take the soap and step in " I told him he was my first crush." 

"And?"

"Heh....he brushed it off like no big deal, like something you get over easily at that age."

And I cannot tell him more for now. I don't want to risk it, after all he only accepts because he assumes I don't like him anymore, not like "that". 

"Is he worth the pain tough? How old is he, 40?"

"30" I correct, "and you would get a boner just from the way he stares at you." 

He laughs like the idiot he is. 

I'm not any better.

...

The next day I rush into the caffè and almost knock down Armin. 

I notice Levi sitting at his usual spot, wearing a grey sweater with a white shirt underneath, black jeans, sleeves rolled up to expose those well shaped forearms...  
No really, I want to throw up. 

He looks at me and smirks. Fucking smirks. 

I feel my heart skip a bit as memories of last night come back. As soon as I sit down next to him, I feel a cold hand on my forehead.

"Having a fever brat?" 

Yes, maybe I do have a fever. Do you also want to check what else I have going on in my pants? 

"I couldn't sleep well..." I mumble instead. 

"Oh... I thought you did. You haven't answered me back"

And tell you what? 

I look at him for a while. He's expecting an answer. 

I take in the details of his beautiful face, the shape of those lips, how his dark hair barely touches his eyebrows, that perfectly sculpted nose, and then, those silver eyes..... I was right about those eyes. It's not my fault I turned up gay. Anyone would be gay for them. 

"What do you expect me to say? Yes, I missed you too." I smile. 

There is more I would want to tell him, but I need to take things slowly. 

He seems pleased with that.

"Good. Now what do you want for lunch?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoyed? :) 
> 
> It was short but it was important to plot.
> 
> Comments, as usual, are very much appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

LEVI POV

We eat in silence for a while, but then of course, he starts.

"So...Attack on Titan...."

Oh great.. 

"Make it short."

"Why? I bet there is a lot to it!"

Yes but we don't have all day.

"Seriously Levi you made ME the main character!" 

"No, i just gave him your name." 

"Liar."

Well he's right, it was really Eren. I described him in every single detail, gave him the same personality....

"Ok fine, so what?"

"And you're.... Captain Rivaille...." 

He's smiling full blast now.

"Why are you so short in the book? You say I'm 15 years old but I'm already taller then you! I wasn't that tall.... I barely got to your same height when I left."

"Yes, yes I know. Cut it out. It's because you were always so eager to grow up and be as tall as a titan... I made that happen in the book."

"Quite literally that is."

Yes, I did. In my story Eren is not only tall, but he ends up turning into a huge titan himself.

"You know...."he trails off, " in the beginning I was excited about how you portrayed me. You pointed out flaws but also gave me a lot of potential. But then...you turned me into a monster. You made me the enemy, YOUR enemy."

"No, it's not like that...."

"Is it? Because no matter how much the Captain keeps saving me, believing in me, it seems like I have no other choice but being that monster. As the story goes on....you take away my human side little by little, page after page...." 

Maybe he's right, but I'm only doing that to build up tension. In the end I want to save Eren.

"Look the story is not finished yet, don't jump to conclusions."

Still I feel he's having some doubts and another thought strikes me.

"Are you mad at me Eren? Because I took a child's play, your childhood memories, and turned them into...that?"

"Into a fucking horror movie?" He laughs. "Not really, it's a good book, I like it."

"But...? What else is there you're not saying?"

He sighs and puts his chin in his hand.

"I'm more worried about the meaning it has to you." 

What meaning?

"Do you see me as a monster, Levi?" 

I frown but he doesn't even flinch. He's keeping a calm gaze on me.

"Because I never called you back. I did hurt you. We used to be so close to each other, my silence must have felt like betrayal." 

I swallow some coffee and it feels like a rock down my throat. I have never.... No, I don't even have many memories of those times anymore....

I do remember clearly a lot of things until the moment he moved. I remember the pain he went through when his mother died and how he stayed at my home for a week before his dad showed up and took him away.

But after that.... I tried to call him for some time... Yes I was worried, yes I got mad at some point because he was avoiding me, but eventually I got over it... 

"I'm not saying you did that on purpose, Levi, it might have been subconscious...

"Either way what's your point?" 

"I just want to redeem myself."

"How?"

"Just let me know....Tell me what I can do to make it better. I want to fix things."

What is he talking about? There's nothing to fix.

"You're thinking too much brat, it's a dangerous habit. Your brain might explode."

For some reason I want to avoid the subject. I'm not in the mood for serious talk. 

Eren laughs a little and drops it there, but I can see by the look in his eyes that he knows. He knows I'll be tormented by his words for a while.

I hate him, the way he can get into my head.

I want to have some fun instead.

"So... Sexy Eren?"

He didn't see that coming.

He spits his milk. 

It's so gross but so funny.

His face is red, even his ears turned red. He's fumbling with some napkins and starts cleaning the table...

"You're such a shitty man." 

"Well it's you who started it. Why that name?" I smirk at him.

He turns even more red, how's that's possible. 

I won. But then....

He looks around for a while. The caffè is almost empty, so he stands up, turns around the chair from another table and sits there.

He slowly crosses his legs, puts an elbow on the table beside him, angles his head to the side as a hand slowly pulls his hair back. I see those long fingers traveling through brown locks and can't help but wonder if his hair is still as silky as I remember.

Green, shiny orbs slowly turn towards me, eyes hooded and lips curved in a delicious, knowing smile.

"Because I am, in fact, sexy as hell." 

I snort. He's putting up a show for me.

"Testing your acting skills kid?" 

He laughs and waves me off. 

"Not even trying, old man. If I get serious here I might cause you an heart attack" 

"You sure?"

I mimic his pose and place a hand on my chin, my index finger slowly tracing the edge of my bottom lip.

"Let me see."

I focus my gaze on him, and he stares back, eyes devouring the sight before him. 

Good. The brat should know better than to challenge me. 

He quickly snaps out of it and turns back to my table.

"Ok cut it off" he says, not daring to look at me. " you're not fair." 

"Why?" I laugh

"Because I'm clearly in disadvantage here." 

I laugh at that even more. He's right, it's not fair, after all he's gay and I'm not. But I don't give a shit, that's my Eren and I love to mess around with him.

"You were a nice view" I give him that much.

He pouts at me.

I ruffle his hair. 

Oh I was right... those locks feel so soft between my fingers. 

.....

 

"Do you want to see my place tonight? We can have dinner together."

He is about to leave for work again, and I'm also packing my things.

"Where do you live?" 

He types something on his phone and of course I receive a message with his address.

" Eight o'clock, sounds good?"

"It's good for me...." 

I watch him as he waves goodbye and starts running. Gosh that kid is always running.

.....

We have pizza for dinner, of course.... What else could I expect?

Eren is browsing some movies while I take a better look around.

It's a nice house, small but warm. It looks like the kid actually took some time to make every corner look nice. There are lots of potted plants, mostly succulents and cacti, near the windows. A nice shelf full of books. Some landscape pictures on the walls, and my favorite, a huge sculpture in the living room. It's a dragon nested on a tree branch, and that thing is so intricate and big that it covers an entire wall. 

"I can't believe you bought something like this" I say as I inspected for the tenth time the scales of the dragon, nicely sculpted one at a time.

"How much did it cost?"

"You don't want to know" he laughs " but it was worth every single cent." 

"Why tough?"

"Because I love things that are....scenographic " he simply says. 

Now I understand why he was so eager to show me his place. 

"It's surprisingly tidy in here."

"You don't say....after you forced the habit of cleaning on me"he laughs,"But for that, I am grateful" 

He sits next to me and gives me the remote.

"I can't make up my mind, you choose."

We settle for the latest "Mummy" movie. I don't think it's a masterpiece, but at least it's funny. Those zombies growling around and killing people are fucking hilarious.

"Well....Amanet is surprisingly hot...after she gets her flesh back, that is..." I state as some point,"I'd definitely choose her instead of the blond one"

"Oh... Are you attracted to the dark side?" He giggles.

"No. But she's more intriguing."

I watch him.

"What about you? Do you like him?"

Eren arches a bow at me.

"Are you serious? Not a chance." 

Oh? I didn't expect that.

"How come? Not your type?"

"First he's old, and besides.." He sighs, "He's nicely built and all.... But you see, I already had guys like that, I'm not impressed anymore."

I snort. Really?

"Don't laugh Levi, you have no idea." 

Oh come on...

"Why, how many guys have you been with ?"

"Who knows? I used to go to clubs.... I got in bed with lots of people. Yet it was no use, I couldn't find what I was searching for."

What is he talking about?

"You see, sex is easy.... I can have that. But love? Love never found me."

Yeah sure, does he think I'm that stupid?

"Someone must have fallen for you kid. I'm not gay but I'm not blind either, you're a gorgeous little shit! Plus you have a great heart. "

I see he's pleased with the compliment yet the smile he displays is a sad one.

"It's not about them, they did.... But I did not. I never loved any of them." 

Oh. I think it's strange...but then....

"We might have something in common there" I mutter, "I could never love my wife either. Not completely." 

He pauses the movie.

"What do you think are the requirements for love?" 

"I don't know, it's a... feeling?"

I'm honest. I don't really know.

"I thought about that" says Eren "and I think people these days often confuse love with physical attraction. Especially when they're young and horny. They want to get into your pants, and that's it. But of course after a while they get bored and break up. Why? Because there's nothing else there"

Yes that's true. I'm impressed he has put so much thought into these kind of things. 

"Well you notice that after a while, yes.... But that doesn't answer your question. What is love?"

"Love is...like a cake I think."

Ok that's funny.

"No, don't laugh just... Listen! Love has many ingredients. Physical attraction is one of them but it's only the icing... You need a strong base on which you can built it. You need respect, understanding, honesty, lots of things in common, accepting the other for what they are and also trusting them enough to give them freedom.... It's complex, it has layers. But if you get all those things right, well... You have made a delicious cake."

I think about that for a while.... And then I hear Eren's low voice, almost a whisper...

"We almost had it all, you know. You and I."

I want to answer but he's already played the movie back.

We had it all he says.... Well we did had a wonderful relationship, that's for sure. We were always together, through the good and bad times. But it wasn't THAT kind of relationship.

The movie ends and I decide it's time for me to go home. 

He walks me to my Land Rover Discovery. I see how surprised he is, he hadn't noticed it when I arrived.

"Well You picked a very nice one. The metallic red and black details... Just perfect. Must be comfortable for long trips too" 

Yet I don't tell him I bought that car because of Petra. I had to change my old one and she asked me to buy something big enough for our future family.

Speaking of Petra....

As I park in front of the apartment complex I pull out the phone and immediately start typing.

"Your cake theory is wrong. I had all the ingredients with my ex wife. Yet no cake. Please explain, you genius."

I take the elevator to my floor when the phone displays me the answer.

"Sure thing Levi, you can't just let the ingredients on the table, you need the bake the cake. "

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You cannot bake a new cake if the oven is already full." 

Meaning.... 

"You cannot love someone new when you're already in love."

But there was nobody else for me at that time.... Was it? 

I feel my usual headache kicking back.  
I'm done with all these metaphors.

"Or maybe your theory is flawed. Goodnight kid."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi is in denial about a lot of things.... Please be patient with him :) 
> 
> As always comments make me do the happy dance XD


	5. Chapter 5

LEVI POV

It's 5 am and I'm still staring at the ceiling. It's no use, I couldn't sleep all night. I finally get up and start preparing some coffee.

Eren has been on my mind like a parasite these last couple of days.

It's so weird to have him around again.... I wonder what the hell was I thinking for all those years, I should have contacted him earlier. It's so good to have him around, in some aspects it seems like no time has passed at all. He's still an idiotic, impulsive brat and I never know what to expect next. But on the other hand...he has changed, a lot.

Well I guess...it's too late now for regrets.

I take a look at my kitchen. It's all black and white, modern style, perfectly clean. All my house is clean, everything is in order... But unlike Eren's home, my apartment is cold. There are only the essential things, no decorations, nothing that can collect extra dust.

I wonder, how many times does he have to clean that huge-ass sculpture. How much time does he wastes in watering and caring for all those plants? 

I stare at the lucid black table in my living room.

Well, a white vase with some kind of plant in it won't look too bad... But it would probably die in a month or so. I've never been good with plants, I never even tried to be honest...

I turn on my phone and send a text to Eren.

"Hey brat, are those cactus things difficult to care for?" 

He won't see the message for another couple of hours I believe.

I open the computer and start scrolling through my mail. There is one that my editor sent me last night. Oh great, I have a meeting in 4 hours. Fucking great.

I take back the phone and type again.

"Bad news kid, I won't be at the caffè today. Shitty boss wants my ass in his office and I expect a long chat... Call you later."

I step into the shower and mentally rehearse what I have planned for the rest of the book. It's strange how the story is mine yet my publisher wants to control some of it.  
He's afraid I'm killing off too many people. So what, that's my book and I want them to die! But they're worried about fans being disappointed and shit like that. They have no idea I wanted to kill the main characters too. 

I wonder what Eren would think about that... Even tough it doesn't really matter anymore, I had changed my mind on that before even finishing the first book.  
In the end I made them survive and finished the novel with the beginning of yet another expedition, this time towards the ocean. 

I step out of the bathroom and notice my phone has lighten up.

"What d u mean ur boss wants your ass"  
"No wait sorry"  
"Shit"  
"I just woke up"

Oh boy, that kid is helpless. 

"Good morning to you, sunshine" 

I can't help but wonder what's going on in that little head of his... We sure had some strange chats yesterday. 

I have a copy of my first book on my nightstand. The illustration on the cover is really good, I'm glad they've put so much effort into that.

My fingers trace the figure of the soldier standing there, ready to fight a desperate battle against things much bigger than him. 

I would lie if I said that book has no hidden meaning. Somewhere in my heart I did hoped that Eren will read it one day. It really was dedicated to him and I, it was a place where we stood together and fought our battles side by side. 

Yes, I wanted to kill us both in the beginning, because life is shit and sometimes, no matter how hard you try, things simply won't work out. Of course, It was during the time I was going through divorce. Thankfully I took a break from writing during that period and waited until my thoughts cleared up a bit. 

Sure enough I realized I would have ruined a good story if I simply ended it like that.

All those poor souls deserved better. It was a fiction world, but it was mine. I could give us a second chance there.

Of course at that time I thought Eren had forgot all about me and also about the "Titans". But there was always a chance that one day my book would've ended up in his hands. I changed completely the reason why I was writing, I started focusing on hope rather than despair. 

Sure, hope comes at great price, but....

I take back the phone.

"The only reason I turned you into a monster is so you can fight other, stronger ones. Sometimes you have to be less human in order to survive in this cruel world. Of course there's a catch, you might loose yourself. But there is always guidance in the light, if you follow it." 

I hope he gets it. Yes I was bitter about what happened 9 years ago but i got over it. I wanted both of us to be strong and to never give up, no matter what. 

His reply takes longer than I expected.

"Ok" 

Well, fuck you too.

"I was trying to be kind and that's what I get back"

"Listen Levi, I don't know what to answer to that. You just managed to confuse me more ok? I'm already a mess when it comes to you, to what happened, to the guilt I had to live with.... Just... I have to go to work... I'll write you later." 

I'm not sure how I feel about what I'm reading. Why is he overreacting...

"I love you" 

"Yeah ok," I sigh. He must be stressed out in this period. 

"Love you too kid." 

*****

EREN POV

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!" 

I'm screaming at my phone.

People on the street are staring at me. Good. Somebody make me a favor and kill me....

Why are things so complicated with Levi? One day he says it's no big deal, the next one he comes up with hidden meanings and shit...

I'm doing my best to understand him, I want to rebuild the relationship we had in the past. It's just....

Damn it, it's late, I have to focus on other things. Later Eren, later.

I run into the theatre and throw my backpack on the first chair I find.

"Oi watch it Jaeger!"

Oops. Seems like there was someone on the chair. Whatever, it's just Jean. 

He stands up and hands me a bunch of papers.

"That's the part we have to practice today. Hope you learned it." 

"Yeah yeah.... " 

I look at the first page.

"What do you mean Act 3??! I studied the fourth one! Kirstein!" 

"What?? We only did the second act last week, don't you remember?"

Shit. I skipped one. Fantastic. 

"Listen Eren, I know you're in a bit of trouble right now, but try to keep it together! We have the competition in less than three months." 

I know, he's right. Damn it. Damn Levi, damn everything! 

.....

 

As expected the day was shit. 

I had ruined everyone's practice. Director screamed at me and threatened to give my part to Jean if I screw up another time. Because of my role, I have a huge responsibility towards everyone else involved. Yes, of-fucking-course I happen to play the main character so I have a part in almost every act....

I throw my shirt into the bathtub, and I remember I have to do laundry. Well not now. I take off the rest of the clothes and as I start soaking in hot water, I hear my phone ringing.

Oh give me a break.... I'll check it later. 

I take my sweet time into the shower, feeling my muscles relaxing in the hot steamy room. It's good but soon the water starts turning cold. Shitty old house with that old boiler.. I wrap a towel around my waist and go into the living room. 

At times like this I need some music to me relax. I turn on the stereo and choose my "old shit" playlist. Yes, I'm so creative with names... That music brings back memories of school, when life was easier. 

I skip some songs till Nickelback's " gotta be somebody" starts blasting.

Heh. Old shit is still good.

"This time I wonder what it feels like  
To find the one in this life  
The one we all dream of  
But dreams just aren't enough"

Yeah that's me, but the problem is I've already found my "dreamed one"....

That's when I hear someone ringing at my door. Furiously. 

I sigh and get to open it. I don't even bother to check who it is, I unlock it and turn away, walking back towards the living room. 

"Look Jean I know I fucked up today.... It won't happen again so just leave it...."

"Who's Jean?" 

No way.

I turn towards that familiar voice as the stereo blasts behind me 

"'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.  
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.  
Someone to love with my life in their hands.  
There's gotta be somebody for me like that."

And I can't move for a second, as the man I love is scanning my body up and down.

"Not bad" he states.

Really?

"But you'll catch a cold if you stay like that" he says while taking off his coat, "go dress yourself kid." 

But I'm not really listening, as the damn song is putting into words what I cannot tell him...

"...dammit this feels too right." I say in sync with the song, "it's just like déja vu,  
me standing here with you..."

Levi snorts and goes straight to the stereo, turning down the volume.

"Romantic as hell"

"Why?" I laugh "it's a powerful love declaration" 

"Powerful, yes...." 

I decide it is indeed better to get dressed. I get into my bedroom but Levi follows me.

"I called you to ask if I could come here. You didn't answer. I was worried."

"Yeah well I was in the shower, so.... Hey, are you enjoying the view?"

He laughs. I put on a shirt and start slowly closing it, button after button....

"Maybe I'm sexier with clothes on ?" I smirk 

He rolls his eyes and walks away.

"The best part is yet to come!" 

I hear him laughing from the kitchen. Whatever. I take off the towel...

"Really, you're still in time see me in sexy mode !" 

"I cannot, for the life of me, see you as sexy Eren!" 

Liar. One day he'll take that back. 

....

"So who's Jean"

We're sitting at the kitchen table, with a cup of tea and some cookies my sister brought the other day.

"He's...my neighbor. We work together tough, and I was sure he would come tonight and make sure I study for tomorrow."

"What happened?"

"I learned the wrong act today. It was a mess.... And we don't have much time left for the competition." 

I tell him how we are preparing for this important event. It really matters a lot because the judges are some important figures in the acting world. For me it's a great opportunity to show my skills.

"I got the role as the protagonist so I'll really get a lot of attention. I cannot fuck this up. Also all our team deserves to win, they are all working hard..."

"I see.... Then I should let you study.."

"No!" I impulsively reach for his arm, wanting to hold him there some more. "I....I'll do that. Later. First tell me about your day, how was the meeting with your boss?"

"Well"he sighs," it was as I expected it to be: boring and frustrating. They want me to stop killing people"

That's sort of amusing.

"Why? Are you trying to kill everybody in the next book?" 

"Nah, not everyone, but some more people have to die.. I mean, it's a war against giant monsters"

"Titans" I correct.

"Yes those.... Wait. What's that thing with the Titans ? You always mentioned them, even as a child."

I shrug.

"Beats me. It's just.... That's what they are. Titans."

"And you want to kill them all"

We both smile, remembering those days when I would spend hours playing and teaching Levi the right way to kill a titan.

It makes me wonder...

"Is it really a book about hope though? Humanity is dying...."

"I know, but you and I are fighting until the end. It's about never giving up."

"I.... won't give up Levi. I promise."

There is a silent question in the air, but he doesn't ask. 

"I believe I should really let you study now" he says instead. 

I would love to have him around more, but he's right.

He is about to leave when he suddenly turns around and asks

"Do you always open the door to your neighbor half naked?"

"Oh it's nothing he hasn't seen before..."

Levi's eyes widen.

Oh wait....Shit. I just said that. 

"He's your boyfriend." 

"No!"

No way in hell, no he isn't! We just fuck each other and pretend we're with someone else. Yes, it's a very pitiful, dysfunctional thing. We're broken like that. 

"Eren it's ok you have a boyfriend..."

"No listen we're.... Friends with benefits. That's all!"

Levi doesn't seem too convinced. 

"Look" I sigh " I already told you I have a problem with dating. Jean and I are pretty much in a similar situation so.... We've known each other for a long while, we developed boundaries and mutual respect. That's it"

"So basically you two are fuck buddies?"

I laugh at that. 

"Basically yes.... But honestly most of the time we hate each other's guts."

"I see... Well if it works for you then it's all good."

Levi's hand is on the door knob but he's not opening it. 

"Eren.... Do you...."

What.

"Mm no, never mind. Goodnight."

He gets out of my house and closes back the door behind him. I hear the familiar click, but this time it echoes in a house that is suddenly too big and empty. 

I need him more, I want him around more.

Damn it.

I get the papers from my bag. It's going to be a long night....

*****

LEVI POV

I turn off the engine and stay there. 

I can't believe I almost said it.

"Do you want me to stay for the night?" 

What's this sudden need to be around him? I pretty much went to his house uninvited, and almost decided I could sleep there....just because it's me. He wouldn't get mad. 

But even if we grew up together....I should give him some privacy. 

Sure, we just met after so much time. That must be it. That's why I'm being so weird. 

Also tonight I had a bit of a shock.... I always thought Eren would grow up to be a nice looking boy, but he exceeded my expectations. He turned up to look like those perfect guys from perfumes commercials. 

My phone rings.

"You sure I'm not sexy?" 

Oh come on, is he reading my thoughts or what? 

"Not a chance. Stop messing around and study!" 

"Awww... This brings back memories"

I smile.

"Goodnight kid"

...

Five hours and eight cups of coffee later, I'm still writing.

I'm not really sure how I managed to survive for so long with such a crappy diet, maybe  
my blood has become coffee. Maybe I'm the next "missing link" in human evolution.

Petra used to take care of me in these moments, she would prepare something good to eat the next day.... Well we don't have such luck anymore, dear body.

It's not that I am a complete idiot, I do realize I should take care of myself more. But from time to time I have this urge to write that takes over everything else. I don't need food, I don't need to sleep, I only want something to drink and a keyboard under my fingers. 

I have learned long ago there is no use to resist it, it only drives me crazy. Inspiration is a bitch, you never know when it comes, but when it does it is pure obsession. Don't fight it, just go along with it. 

I'm editing my latest chapter. It took me a while to write it but I think it's good. Yup. There's nothing better than a productive night. 

Maybe I'll sleep in the morning. 

I send a quick text to Eren just to let him know.

"Not going to be there for breakfast. Night had been challenging, but it was worth it. Have a good day." 

Ok. Back to work.

My phone is buzzing back. He's calling me? I stare for a second, not sure I want to pick it up.... But do I really have a choice? 

"Eren. Why aren't you sleeping?"

"Don't know.... I'm trying but seems like my brain decided to be hyperactive tonight." 

"What's bugging you?" 

I hear him sigh on the other side and that sound in my year makes me feel a little strange. Did I enjoy that ? 

"You know, I'm not sure either. I have some pressure from work but I'm quite happy about that... It's good, I'm moving forward with my career. Other than that life has been treating me well.... So I can say I have pretty much all that I want."

"But...?" 

"It's about you. Don't get me wrong, I am glad I found you and I'm glad you gave me another chance.... But it's simply strange. I have wished to be back with you for such a long time.... And now that it happened, it had shaken me. Like, I don't know, I'm glad but I'm also scared as hell."

"Why? What's to be afraid of? We're good."

I hear him sigh again and this time I'm sure that sound is doing things to me. Not good Levi, not good. 

"I really hope so. Maybe you're right, maybe I'm just overthinking things."

"Yes indeed. Take it easy Eren...." 

"You're right... I'm glad you wanted me back. I want to make up for those years we were apart, I want to be close to you." 

"Me too, but stop it now. It's starting to sound like a conversation between lovers" 

He laughs. 

"Nah Levi, what lovers? This is clearly one sided! "

"Hmmm well.... After what I've seen today, who knows? I might change my mind..." 

I smirk because I know exactly what I did there. 

But then his voice purrs back in my ear and I suddenly realize I chose a game he was good at.

"Are you sure...Captain? " 

Well fuck no, not going there. 

"No. This sounds so wrong on so many levels..."

"Then stop teasing!" 

I laugh. Damn I laugh so much with this kid, I can't believe it! 

"Yeah, sorry..."

"No you're not! I can hear how pleased you are!"

Yes it's true. 

"Go to sleep brat, you have work in a few hours...."

"Sure, as if I'm more relaxed now! Aaah fuck this. I'm taking a shower." 

I hear some noises while he gets up and I assume he's undressing 

"Are you taking me in the shower with you?"

"Sure, want a video call?"

"Next time."

I end the call and smirk to myself. Maybe I'm going crazy but I enjoy teasing him so much. 

That's it Levi, you're having a middle age crisis.... An early one. That's why you're hungry for the kid's attentions. 

I turn back to my computer. 

Well shit.

I forgot what else I was about to write

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two are dancing around each other like butterflies on a summer day.... But how long can it last?
> 
>  
> 
> Comments are always appreciated :)


	6. Chapter 6

EREN POV 

"Armin can you please stay with me for a moment?"

I'm at his caffè, it's early, nobody's here yet. He can give me 5 minutes of his precious time.

He's looking at me with slight concern. Maybe it's because I look as if I haven't slept in a week.

"No need to ask, I was going to anyway."he says while sitting on Levi's usual seat.

"He's not coming today, is he?" 

I shake my head.

"Armin, do you think I have any chance with him?"

"Well...." He's hesitating, not a good sign " I don't really know Levi, but I can tell he doesn't stop staring at you." 

"But?"

"I...just think you should give him time. I'm not sure he's the kind of person that is used to....feelings."

I give him a questioning look.

"Like...it's like he's shut down. I don't say he doesn't feel anything, but I don't think he goes that deep. He avoids strong emotions."

"True" I sigh "and I don't know how to deal with that."

I feel Armin's hands on mine, holding them in a comforting grip.

"Just don't push him, ok? He might reject you only because he's not ready."

"Who knows if he'll ever be ready."

"Well if there's someone who can take him there, it's you Eren. Trust me on this one, there's something there he doesn't even realize."

I take a moment and look at Armin. And I mean, I really look at him. When I met him, years ago, he was the cutest thing ever, blond bob and huge blue eyes... I swear he was prettier than lots of girls. Nowadays he grew tall, lean and has longer hair, tied back in a ponytail. Some golden bangs still frame the sides of his face and those ocean blue eyes are as bright as ever. He never talks much but he knows a lot, and is always there to help when you don't even notice.

Really. In others circumstances I would have fallen for him instead of Levi. 

"How do you do that" I ask "how do you know so much?"

He shrugs and smiles.

"I like observing people, I simply notice things."

"But you barely talked to Levi at all"

"Ah yes well.... He reminds me of someone..."

Oh true, forgot about that.

"Annie."

Quite frankly I'm surprised she and Armin got together in the first place.

"How the hell did it happened anyway? That girl......it's impossible to understand what she thinks, let alone feels...."

"Oh Eren...." I hear Armin laughing " don't you realize Levi is the same? But you can break through his shell, the same way I did with Annie. Only...."

He squeezes my hands firmly again and I see his face turning serious 

"Be careful. You two have a very special bond but at the same time it's very fragile. He lets his guard down with you, it takes a lot of trust on his side.... One wrong step and you break it. That's why I'm telling you, don't rush things. " 

.....

Armin's words meant a lot to me.

In the days following our little chat I started observing Levi more.

It's true we grew up together but we also spent almost a decade apart. It was foolish of me to expect we could jump back into our relationship like nothing ever happened.

Things had happened.

There were small details that weren't quite normal between the two of us. I didn't know what we were exactly. Is he treating me like a friend or like a little brother? Some days I couldn't understand how he saw me, why would he tease me but then drop it... Was he making fun of me? 

But then again, he had those moments when he just paused and stared at me, more than usual, without saying a word. It wasn't creeping me out or anything, I actually started staring back.... But it never concluded anything, we would just stay there trying to decipher each other with no luck. 

That's the biggest difference from what we had in the past.

Once upon a time we communicated more. 

Don't get me wrong, Levi had never been good with words when it came to emotions, but he tried. He wanted to help my mother raising me, and one thing she could never handle was my rage. 

Levi really had no choice but to open his heart to me if he wished I would do the same.

It was utterly terrifying when he first tried to have such a talk with me. I was suddenly watching a very awkward Levi trying to form words, and that shattered my image of him... In a good way.

As a kid I had seen him as a hero, he knew exactly what to do at any moment. I thought he was so strong, never afraid of anything.... And I grew up wishing to be just like him...

But guess what, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't keep myself away from trouble. When I was around 12 I got expelled for a week from school because I had beaten up some pricks.

Of course they were bullies, of course they deserved it. And of course I was the one who got expelled. Why ? Because I told the teachers that they were all idiots watching these guys beating up other kids and not doing nothing. I told them that at least I had the balls to do something about it so they could just shut the fuck up and let me do it. 

They expelled me and by the time I was home, Levi already knew. 

My mom was very often in the hospital, so my school got the habit of calling Levi whenever I got in trouble. They considered him as a sort of brother. 

That day Levi was furious, and so was I.

We yelled at each other for half an hour but then he gave up. 

He never, ever, gave up an argument.

I remember it so clearly.

He simply sighed, sat on a chair, elbows on his knees, forehead pressed in his palms.

"I don't know how the fuck to handle you anymore" he said, "just.... Do whatever you want..."

That moment was so surreal to me that I was just blocked there.

It was the first time I realized that Levi was not unbreakable. It was scary.

Because Levi was my anchor in life. My mom was often sick and I knew she couldn't be there whenever I needed her. My father was living away with my sister, and we had pretty much no bond. Sure, we would see each other on festivities and such, but I could never really count on them. 

I had only Levi, who knew how to handle life, perfectly so. 

Yet on that day I realized that even he had his limits.

He changed approach and started to open up a bit. He told me about the mistakes he had made in life and how he wanted to help me avoid repeating them. He told me about his fears, about his shattered dreams, about the suffering he had to deal with every day as an orphan that nobody really wanted.

It was heart breaking but it also made me a little less angry with myself.

I always hated the fact I could not be as good as he was. I wanted to prove my worth to him.... But he made me understand there was nothing to prove.

"We just need to make the right choices in life....and however they go, never regret them. Even if things go wrong, they are going to teach you an important lesson. Move on. Don't try to be perfect, Eren, just try your best.... And always remember that the people who love you are going to be by your side no matter what." 

That was the kind of talk every kid deserves from a parent at some point in life. I know it made a huge difference to me.

That doesn't mean I stopped getting into fights or stopped getting angry... But it was less and I never allowed it to go that bad again. I kept my grades reasonably good. I decided to do my best and apologized to my teachers. 

They were impressed. I reminded them I was sorry for my behavior towards them, not towards the bullies. 

The got into other fights after that, but never got expelled again.

I smile as I recall those memories.

At the same time tough I fell like Levi and I had lost that connection.

We can talk pretty much about everything but when it comes to deep, serious shit, we hit a wall.

He always replies that he's not good with people and that he doesn't really know what love is. That's it, nothing less, nothing more. 

I want to call him, I want to know what's really behind those walls.... 

Sometimes I wonder, are those walls there in order to block others from getting inside....or are they trapping something within? 

......

 

Weeks rolled peacefully as Levi and I had settled into a comfortable routine. We would see each other almost every day, at breakfast and lunch, sometimes also dinner. 

But then it arrived, the only day in the year I hated with everything I got.

February 14th. 

Valentine's stupid day. 

I can't help but look like I'm about to murder someone as I enter Armin's caffe. 

Even there I see couples with glittering eyes sitting at the small tables. 

My frustration level increases as I notice Levi is not here yet.

"Would you like some tea?"

I turn towards my best friend with an exasperated glare.

"Don't you have some corrosive battery acid instead?" 

He chuckles and pats my back.

"Where's Prince Charming?" He asks.

I honestly don't know, he would usually let me know if he couldn't come.

"Do you think he's on a date?" 

I glare at Armin. How could he suggest...

"No fucking way."

I say that yet suddenly my stomach starts burning.

No, he's not on a date, he can't be. I would have known for sure...

As I take a sit at our usual spot, many questions start flooding my head.

I want to text him but at the same time.... What right do I have to enquire about his private life? 

I assumed that just because he would always be around me he couldn't technically have the time to date someone....

But what if today was his first date? Maybe with someone that had asked him out just recently? 

Also it's not that he needs to date some girl the traditional way, after all...he could have someone like I have Jean....

The thought of that makes me feel even worse.

But then my phone is buzzing and I unlock it at the speed of light.

"Eren....not in the mood to be outside today. Sorry."

"Why??"

Eren that's not your fucking business, he could be with someone right now!

"Can I come over? You ok? Where do you live??"

I'm a complete ass, I know. I don't care.

"....you'll have to take a buss. Line 9 if I remember right"

Perfect. Yeah. Of course 

I receive his address and I get up to pay Armin. 

He handles me a small white bag.

"Take this. Don't ask. Trust me."

He's got that serious face again. 

I obey.

....

Half of an hour later I'm ringing at his door.

I don't know what to expect. I've run here instinctively but right now I'm not sure it was a good idea.

The door opens and my heart skips a beat.

This is the Levi I had fallen for, all that time ago. 

I was used to the perfect-looking man going out in the city, working various jobs. He was always attractive, perfectly dressed, smelled good... But the "home version" I now have in front of me is so much better.

Maybe because not many people can see him like this, maybe because it reminds me of the times we pretty much lived together...

"What is it? Don't just stand there, come in."

I follow him inside and close the door behind me. 

Im trying not to stare at his beautiful messy morning hair, or the way his clothes are slightly larger than what he usually wears outside, or even how that large shirt reveals his collarbones and when he turns I can't help but notice the sensual shape of his nape...

Yeah ok I'm failing. 

Let's have a look around instead....

"Have you just moved in?" 

"No, why?""

"Because it's all nice in here but... It's empty." 

He pauses and slowly looks around his living room.

There's a white huge sofa, a black table with four chairs around it, and big library with the hole in the center where the TV is. 

"I don't need a lot of stuff. You know how things get dusty"

"Yeah but...it's almost one of those minimalist houses...."

We end up in the kitchen and again I point out how there is nothing outside on the countertop, not even a cup, a tool...

He shrugs and asks me what's in the bag.

Oh right.

"Armin gave me this"

He opens it and sure enough it's a small heart-shaped chocolate cake , decorated with white and pink cream.

"Guess it's going to be our breakfast then." 

He doesn't say anything about the whole "theme" of the cake. 

"You don't care it's a Valentine's Day cake?" I ask

"Do you?" He says without turning while preparing some tea.

"I don't know... I hate this day." 

"Same."

He sits down with me and slices the poor heart in half.

The irony. 

"So you're a professional heart slayer aren't you?" I smirk at him.

"And you have such a brilliant sense of humor" he answers dryly. 

Well I see he really is in a sour mood today.

We eat in silence and I ponder my next moves.

"I'm sorry I rushed in here. You never actually invited me over..."

"I did. If I didn't wanted you to come do you think you would be here right now?"

"Mmm...."I chew on a piece a cake "for a moment this morning I thought you were on a date. Or maybe you were on a date last night and decided to spend the weekend together. That's why... I apologize if I'm crossing any boundary here. It's your private life after all..."

"Come on Eren, haven't you always been part of my private life anyways?" 

I look at him with questioning eyes.

His hand reaches my chin, thumb softly caressing my skin. 

Oh, the things he does to me.

"It's still the same, yes. I don't care how much we both changed, we will always be family." 

I want to tell him things, hug him, kiss him, let him know how much I treasure him. 

But I'm afraid. 

"Levi...." I start but I'm interrupted but the doorbell suddenly ringing.

He sighs and goes to the door.

I don't even move, still thinking about what I should do or not do.

But the silence doesn't last.

I hear the door opening and levi cursing. 

Suddenly someone is screaming.

"Leviiiii my dear, I've missed you so much!!!!" 

"I didn't four eyes. Why are you here?"

"I'm back from Egypt, can't you see? Let me in, I've got souvenirs!!"

I hear the wheels of a suitcase dragged on the floor and finally I see her.

She's tall, brown hair pulled up in the messiest ponytail, and a maniac pair of eyes behind her glasses.

She turns around to say something but then she notices me.

"Oh. My. God! Who is that??"

She rushes towards me and I instinctively get up from my chair, prey instinct kicking in. 

Her face stops inches away from my mine and I'm not sure what to do. 

I glance over her shoulder towards Levi, but he simply smirks.

"Eren, meet Hanji, my craziest friend from university."

She's studying me head to toe then something clicks in her brain. 

"Eren! Eren like the one in the book? What a coincidence!" 

"Not really a coincidence..." I reply but she's already looking back at Levi.

"You really have good taste, you old man" she laughs.

Levi rolls his eyes and I'm confused. 

"Nice to meet you" she finally says to me. " I would have never expected that grumpy man to finally give in and date a guy.... How the heck did you managed to seduce him??"

I think my eyes are about to pop out of their sockets.

"Stop it idiot, he's my childhood friend. We grew up together."

And with that he grabs her arm and pulls her away from me. 

"Don't freak him out like that." 

"So you two are not dating??"

"Why should we?" 

"Cause you've never been 100% straight anyway so...."

What?

"What??"

They both turn towards me. 

"You don't know?" She starts but Levi's hand is on her mouth in a split second, his glare murderous.

"Don't. You. Dare." 

I frown but I understand this is not the right moment to discuss, so I leave it like that.

For now. 

Either Levi tells me or I'll track this Hanji woman to the end of the earth in order to find out what she meant. 

Cause holy shit, this news changes everything.

.....

"So Hanji, you're an archeologist I assume."

She has unpacked the suitcase and its full of notebooks, maps, and many tiny small packages.

"Yup" 

She's unwrapping one of those items and it reveals a small, splendidly carved figurine of the Sphinx.

"Umm no, not this one," she mutters "but I guess I can give it to you."

She places the small figurine in my lap before I can protest.

"Just take it" Levi smiles," there's no way one can refuse Hanji's gifts"

I smile and examine the beautiful piece of art.

"Ah it's only a replica, it has no value.... But this piece here, oh lord, this one is precious."

I move closer to her and glance between the many sheets of paper she has scattered everywhere. There's something shining in her hands.

A golden beetle with light blue gems on its wings.

"Are you smuggling ancient artifacts, you maniac?" Levi asks.

She laughs ad says she's actually taking it to the museum for further studies. 

I trace the golden object with trembling fingertips.

"Armin would love to see this" 

I ask if she could take my friend on a behind the scene tour in the museum. She agrees energetically.

"Oh Eren, sure you can bring him! I'll gladly show you two around, even the off limits stuff!" 

Levi is sitting on the opposite side of the table, examining his "gift". Hanji had collected small interesting rocks for his collection. 

"This one has small fossils in it...." 

I glance over at him while she is distracted by the numerous things in her suitcase.

Oh Levi, you'll tell me everything, no matter what

.....

 

The day has passed swiftly between Hanji's stories about ancient civilizations, artifacts and lost cities.

Levi cooked lunch while I was chatting with her about the legends of the Giants. 

She knew a lot and loved sharing, I'm sure she'll get along with Armin perfectly.

Somehow hours rolled one after another and by nightfall she decided to leave.

"Who knows who's going to be her next victim" Levi smiled.

"Mm she's good for you. I'm glad you have such a... lively friend!!" I laugh

In the end Levi decides to give me a ride home.

And now, a few minutes on our way, I can't hold back anymore.

"So are you going to pretend there's nothing you should tell me?"

He doesn't even look at me, hands on the wheel, relaxed posture.

"Not really. But I don't want to talk about it either."

"Levi." 

He looks at me, with the same calm, almost bored, expression.

"I'm serious Eren, don't push it."

"But I have told you about myself...it's only fair...."

"No, I'm different. It was just once, it doesn't count."

"Ok but...why?"

He sighs.

"I was depressed and very, very drunk. The asshole took advantage of that."

"Wait...what does that mean? Where you.."

"No, it was consensual. But still...." 

"It wasn't a good experience." I conclude.

He nods.

I keep quiet for a couple seconds...

"Still Levi.... It's you we're talking about. You're not the type to just end up in situations like that..."

He frowns. 

"You planned it, haven't you?You wanted to try it out." 

"No! God no, I'm not like that!"

That startles me. He almost shouted those words.

"Like that...?"

He's jaw is clenching, hands tightly gripping the steering wheel. 

Really Levi? 

"Oh excuse me sir, then you might have just slipped onto someone's dick"

"Eren..."he warns.

But no, you don't get to "Eren" me now. 

"Really I apologize for suggesting something so horrible. Like sure, of course your not like that, right? Ugh, disgusting...."

"Come on Eren, you know I didn't mean..."

"You literally just did!"

He pulls the car to the side and turns towards me, but I'm not having any of it.

"Kid, it has nothing to do with you."

"No, of course not. But you perfectly expressed how you feel about people like me."

I unfasten my seatbelt and open the door.

His hand is on my wrist but I shake him off.

"Don't touch me, you might get infected."

Gosh I had forgotten how angry he can make me be. 

But this time is worse than ever. 

He's such an idiot, why do I even bother being around him this much? 

I hear footsteps behind me and of course he's not letting me be.

I stop under a lamppost and turn to face him.

"What now?"

But my anger almost immediately dissipates when I see the sadness on his face.

Almost.

"It's not about you" he repeats. "You know how much I care for you."

"Then try to be fucking honest for once!"

"Honest about what?"

I take a step closer.

"Tell me why the heck did you had to try. Why did you ended up in bed with a man?"

I get more close and I can see the pain and denial in those shiny grey eyes. I just want to make it all go away, I want to fix things for both of us.

I tenderly place my hands on either sides of his face, and lean closer, finally whispering 

"Why can't it be with me?" 

And I kiss him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Hanji is such an important character in all fics XD
> 
> Also the next chapter.....we'll see... :)


End file.
